Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
