Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
