I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
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Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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