Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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