We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
