I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
