Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
