That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
false alarm, still single
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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