I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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