thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
