I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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