Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
