I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
