Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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