If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
