Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
