brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
