made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
