I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
