Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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