threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
