my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
