well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
