Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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