Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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