So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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