I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
