so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
