hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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