FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
