Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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