I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
