She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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