yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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