It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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