I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
