You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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