We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
