Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
