i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
