He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
