nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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