People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
