remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
