Already got asked if we're dating
I'm going to jail i love you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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