She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
