No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
