Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just high enough for therapy.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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