Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
