saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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