i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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