You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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