Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
