You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
