Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
