After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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