jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
