That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
