I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
