Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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