the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
