I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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