Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
