He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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