I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
