just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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