His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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