how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
