You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize