I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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