i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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