he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
