if you like me you must not know who I am
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
