forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
