i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
