Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
