i already hear my dad disowning me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
