Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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